I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
