the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
