Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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