After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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