I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
