You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
