sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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