Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sober January is a disaster.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
