So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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