theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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