I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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