You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
