it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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