you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
