we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
