I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Its about making memories worth repressing
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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