There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
