3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's the barista slut.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
