question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
