i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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