direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
