If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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