we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
