GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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