I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
