YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
