I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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