my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
