Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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