this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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