I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to have your abortion
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
