You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
