We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
