so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
