Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
