I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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