Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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