i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
