so that wasnt chicken after all
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
