cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
