Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
