maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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