Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
