one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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