I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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