I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My balls are so social today.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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