Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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