Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
