You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
