I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
