you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Two words: blizzard sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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