ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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