yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
