Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
